#1 Way to Improve Any Relationship in Your Life | Ep. #23

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How to not suck at making friends.

Intro Sometimes the simplest thing is the hardest thing to do practically. And what I mean by that is the number one thing that you can do to improve the relationships that are around you is to stop trying to troubleshoot and fix those relationships and start working on yourself. There’s one consistent in every single relationship that you have, and that’s you. So as you begin to learn how to connect to your true self, your authentic self, your true identity, whatever you want to call it, there’s a direct ripple effect that hits every relationship you have. Most of our relationships that we have right now are a reflection of the relationship that we have with ourselves. When those close relationships they trigger you, we often tend to use those relationships as a really convenient, and sometimes feels really real, excuse, cause that’s really all it is, for being passive, or reactive. Because you’re putting your attention on them as the reason that something is happening.

01:18 And so when you shift your focus and basically remove them as the excuse, and you say, “You know what, I’m going to take extreme ownership. And I’m going to look at the areas that I need to work on. And I’m going to make me the number one priority in the sense of improving my relationship with myself.” I’m not saying become selfish, and egotistical, and make you number one over anyone else. What I’m saying is make you number one in the sense of learning how to transition your relationship within from one that is just either there, and you’re not working on or one that you hate, to learning how to love who you are as a person. And when you do that, when you shift your focus, you’re going to begin to identify areas in your relationship where you’ve been a victim, or areas where maybe you have learned how to adapt to the dysfunction in the relationship in order to find acceptance or love. Even though it’s a warped definition of what acceptance and love is.

02:23 It’ll be very enlightening when you choose to take that attention, and that energy that you put towards managing a relationship, or bickering about it, or identifying ways that it’s not working or wrong. And shift that to you. Now, I’m not saying that there’s no value in working on communication or loving your spouse, or being intentional with friendships you have. Don’t let the pendulum swing from one extreme to the other. There is value in that, but those are more short term. They have their place, but they’re more short term in the sense of things that are kind of a here-and-now that you can pay attention to. I’m referring to the long-term. How do you shift the relationship at its core? Not in a moment. Not learning basically how to argue better with someone. So if you want to see change in the long-term, you need to be willing to put at least as much effort into your own relationship with yourself as you do with the relationships around you.

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